It may seem safer and more beneficial to reshape yourself into someone more easily accepted. If your attempts at self-expression earn only criticism or punishment from parents, friends, or anyone else, you might respond by ignoring your internal sense of self. “When we are encouraged to display our personalities without shame or guilt, we can develop a strong sense of ourselves,” Myers explains. To individuate successfully, children need room to explore, learn, and express needs and desires. Individuation, or the process through which you develop a unique self, begins in childhood. This doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong or that you’re destined to live out your life without a clear identity.Ī better understanding of the factors that play a part in the formation of self-image can help you begin sharpening it. It might reassure you to learn it’s not terribly uncommon to have a somewhat blurred sense of self. “Who am I, really?” you might be wondering, perhaps with some distress. Say you had some trouble answering the questions above.
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If you aren’t sure how to answer this question, look at it from another angle: Would you make the same choices if you were alone? Decisions mostly grounded in your desires and goals for yourself typically reflect a strong sense of self.įactors that can influence your sense of self Do my choices reflect my own interests or someone else’s? Values describe the traits you prioritize in yourself or others-empathy, honesty, trustworthiness, kindness, and so on. What are my values? Do I live my life accordingly?Īwareness of personal values can go a long way toward outlining your sense of self. What helps you relax and enjoy yourself? What hobbies or activities make life meaningful?Įveryone has a few things and people in life they don’t want to change or lose, and identifying these important people and pursuits can tell you a lot about yourself. Having a good handle on your talents and maximizing them in your day-to-day life often means you have a healthy sense of self. Sense of self depends on not only recognizing your strengths but also believing in your capabilities to use them to achieve your goals. Defining yourself mostly by relationships with others or your ability to please your loved ones can suggest a less-developed sense of self. It’s totally fine to accommodate others sometimes, but if you always agree to what others want, you likely aren’t living for yourself. Or maybe you don’t have many ambitions or deep-seated passions and simply feel content to go with the flow.Īsking yourself the questions below can offer some insight. Perhaps you’ve noticed a pattern of making choices based on what you think other people want from you. So, where does your sense of self fall on the spectrum? This often leads to discontent, even when nothing specific seems wrong and you can’t identify the source of your unhappiness. If you feel uncertain or indecisive when it comes time to make important choices, you may end up struggling to make any choice at all.Īs a result, you might simply drift through life, carried by other people and circumstances rather than your own momentum. Lacking a clearly defined sense of self, on the other hand, often makes it tough to know exactly what you want. If you do feel dissatisfied with certain aspects of yourself, you’ll have an easier time addressing those areas when you have a strong sense of your nature and abilities. Self-knowledge makes it easier to accept your entire self, both the traits you’re proud of and those you’d like to improve. You aren’t perfect (who is?), but you still have great value. Your self-image can also fuel recognition of your own worth.
From something as small as favorite foods to larger concerns like personal values, knowing what comes from our own self versus what comes from others allows us to live authentically.” “Having a well-developed sense of self is hugely beneficial in helping us make choices in life.
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So, you might wonder, does a strong sense of self really make a difference?Įrika Myers, a licensed professional counselor in Bend, Oregon, explains: Some people can make it pretty far in life without giving their identity too much though.